Nothing like the BFF!

So, my best friend, Justin, and I have been best friends for many many years, and I will admit that we have quite the unique relationship, generally consisting of throwing around insults at each other, but somehow remaining friends. I thought I'd share just a few of the fun conversations we've had. We're hitting the vaudville tour shortly.

Justin to Ali: I hope you catch fire (in response to Ali sending Justin a picture of her cat sitting on a shirt that she stole from Justin at his wedding)

Justin to Ali: I donated money last year, with the express condition that you then got AIDS. Do you not have AIDS? I thought they gave it to you for completing the walk....wasn't there a Used-Needle-Licking Station? (in response to Ali asking for money for the Boston AIDS walk)

Ali to Justin: You look like Harry Potter (this is true)

Justin to Ali: I hate you
Ali to Justin: How can you hate someone so loveable?
Justin to Ali: It helps that you smell like a dirty diaper

Ali to Justin from Costa Rica: It's 81 degrees here, I'm never coming back.
Justin to Ali: Nice. Let me know how you like malaria and dysentery

Justin to Ali upon opening up her resume: when I opened up yours all that popped up was the phrase "Mama's Family Loving Dork."

Ali to Justin when he didn't call her back when she way sick: I'm fine - didn't die of the flu, thanks for asking/calling me back. Die.
Justin to Ali: I thought you HAD died! I sent your parents flowers! I want my flowers back.

Justin to Ali: Betterness cannot be measured in light years. Betterness can only be measured using the metric system. By my calculersion (calculation conversion), you are 2.73 cubic liters better than last summer.

Justin to Ali on his awesomeness: Last night the roof was nearly torn off of my apartment building by a tornado, and I spent much of the evening protecting my cat and dog, several nuns and orphans, and the President, by sheltering them in my bathtub while simultaneously holding the roof of the apartment building on, writing a research assignment, and curing AIDS.

Ali, supporting Justin on his good grades: I'm tired of hearing about your As.

Ali to Justin: I wish you death!
Justin to Ali: I've died. Now I'm haunting you, in the form of a snowstorm.
Ali: Well, you are annoying as a snowstorm.
Justin: You're under a heavy snow warning. And a heavy DEATH warning!

Ali: My LRW paper is 10 pages and it needs to be 6.
Justin: Have you tried cutting out 4 pages?

Ali: How do I handle this email from an ex-friend?
Justin: Oh. Well, she was still a biyatch to you. Fuck her. Not literally. Unless you're into that.
Ali: If so, I'll take pictures
Justin: Video would be better, but thanks.

Justin (picking a restaurant for a group): If either of you have specific dietary requests/refusals, please let me know. For instance, I don't like Mexican food or cheap Chinese buffets. Also, I know Alison can't eat somewhere that doesn't offer a picture menu and sippy-cups.

Justin, on his wedding stuff: I have nothing to do with granting an exception for you. If it were up to me, we would forcibly pierce your ears as part of the wedding ceremony.
Ali: Let me know if you need anything else
Justin: See the registry. Particularly the pots and pans portion.
Ali: Die