Oh Iraq, how I won't miss you...

197 days until I'm off active duty.

I think it's pretty safe to say that being in Iraq sucks. But what specifically is so sucky, academia might ask? Well to quell the masses, I've listed a few things that I will definitely not miss about Iraq.

1 - The weather. It's going to be 118 degrees today...what should I wear? I know! Long sleeves and long pants! Great idea! Oooo...let me throw on some body armor and a helmet too, in case a mortar happens to land on my head while I walk up the street to eat. And if you think a breezy day is going to help, think again! The breeze is so hot here, it is literally like walking through a hair dryer. You want the wind to STOP BLOWING so you can cool down. And if the hot breeze wasn't enough, the million pieces of sand it blows on you is even better.

2 - The noise. I would pay money to be able to have one conversation where I don't have to pause to wait for a plane, jet, helicopter or loud truck to go by so I can continue. As the helipad for the hospital is right next to my building, I hear the copters coming (sing-song!) all the time.

3 - Using the phones. On the rare chance I can get through to Jon or the family on the first try, I get to have an awesome 1/2 second delay. This means I spend most of my conversation going "what?" "Go ahead" "what were you saying" "I'm sorry?" because I keep interrupting whoever I'm talking with. Also, the Army has a GREAT (sarcasm) deal for Soldiers, allowing them only 2 15-minute calls a week with their loved ones in Germany. FIFTEEN minutes, twice a week. I'm lucky that Jon happens to have a phone on his work desk and we can talk as much as we want, but I feel for all the Soldiers that get shafted cause they live overseas.

4 - Knowing exactly what the DFAC (Dining Facility) is serving at any given moment. It's Wednesday, it's Mongolian grill night. Mongolian sound good? It's really not. It's Sunday - there must be devilled eggs at DFAC #3 - let's all go!!

5 - Carrying around a weapon all day long. Now, for those out and about, it's probably good to carry a weapons around. However, as my biggest stress each day is when the laundry guy takes so long to get my laundry it makes me think he's lost it, I don't see the need to cart around a weapon all day long. It just gets dirty and hurts my shoulder. I do paperwork, people, I don't shoot others.

6 - The bathroom and shower are a long walk away. Now, at the moment, I live in a building and don't have to walk, but for a while I was living in a trailer, I had to walk with all of my crap down a row of trailers, past all my Soldiers to go to the bathroom or take a shower. No fun.

7 - Websense chooses my morals for me. Being not 100% angelic, I like to go to funny sites like maddox.xmission.com to provide myself with some much needed morale. DENIED! A great military idea by some Mormon has declared that this is "Tasteless" and I can't look at it. I also can't look up cheat codes for my Nintendo, because "Games" are blocked.

8 - Power problems. No power = no air conditioning = often. When this happens, I call it quits and just stop working for the day.

9 - Bugs of all kind. From giant cockroaches that crawl up my shower drain to miniscule mosquitos that you CANNOT SEE but bite you with an intensity worse that Indiana mosquitos, we've got them all. I am deathly afraid of cockroaches, and while now I'm a little better at the smash and kick out into the hall method, it still takes me a while to get up the courage. Pure hell for me is a giant cockroach.

10 - Mortars. While I know mortars are dangerous and deadly, those who shoot tend to have bad aim. But they get close enough to put the whole base on alert, and then I can't go outside for 30 minutes. NOT GOOD WHEN THE BATHROOM IS A LONG WALK AWAY. I hope I haven't jinxed myself into getting hit now.