Finding the Balance

I've discovered here in Iraq that I'm somewhat of a loner. I don't go to lunch with the rest of the company grade officers, I make a different work-out schedule for myself, etc. I chalked it up to the fact that that's my personality, but as most of them started to annoy me lately, I wondered if it was me.

So, I was having dinner with Matt, a fellow officer, the other night. Matt and I are probably the most alike, due to our dry sense of humor and that fact that we tend to act our age. We were talking about how I tended to distance myself away, and I shrugged and said that while in Iraq, at least for the first bit, I was hanging out with Jon (the boyfriend) mostly. That's when Matt pointed out that even in Germany, I was quick to ditch the group for the latest guy I was dating.

I was floored, though I knew it was true. And I could sit here and encourage everyone to find the balance between friends and significant others, but I have a hard time feeling really bad about not hanging out with my friends as much.

For starters, I never dated anyone in the group, so whoever I tended to be dating did NOT have friends in common. It makes it hard to drag someone in.

Second, I'm 27 years old - 27! I'm not playing junior high games where I see my "boyfriend" once a day at lunch. I like to make an effort and spend time with someone to get to know them. Sometimes, I don't want to go bowling with my friends last minute when my boyfriend and I have had plans in place for the last week. When Jon and I went with the group to Ireland, I'm sure there was much badtalk about us staying in a hotel room while they all stayed in an orphanage-style hostel, but I'm 27. I like to stay in a hotel room with my boyfriend. I feel too old to stay in a room filled with beds and everyone listening to everything. I get enough of that on deployments.

Third, few of my friends ever had significant others. Sure, some of them did, but they were in the States, so everyone acted like they were pretty much single. The married guy's wife was also part of the group, so they liked to do things with everyone. I wonder what would have happened if one of them starting dating someone new and outside the group, how much time they would dedicate to group activities vs. twosome activities.

So, I feel kinda punished for not being part of the group because I'm making an effort to date. I accept my status and decisions that I have made, and understand why I'm on the outskirts, but the whole situation still gets under my skin. I feel like I was in a no-win situation. If I hadn't hung out with Jon so much, we wouldn't have the amazing relationship we have now. Since I did, my friends think that I ditched them. Now, it's true, I spend more time alone because I've isolated myself in the past, but shouldn't real friends understand? Shouldn't real friends encourage you to date and find someone to love? Am I selfish or are my friends?

Find the balance, blah blah blah, I know, but sometimes you have to decide what is going to outweigh what, and face the consequences. What Jon and I have now is worth not being invited to lunch...to me.