Mommy/Avery Day

At the end of my ten months as a single mom, my patience was wearing pretty thin.  One week, I yelled at Avery and left him sad because I refused to read him a bedtime story, and I couldn't get the image of him reaching for a book and looking at me out of my head.  SO, that Friday was a day off of work for me.  My original plan was to go take the kids to school and do a bunch of work on our new house, but I decided to make it Mommy/Avery Day instead and we had a great time together!

First, we went for a little breakfast....

 Then we headed out to Fort Washington and toured the old fort

Then we went to "see" Rio 2 which was mainly just enjoying these awesome theater chairs.

And, after a few selfies....

....we were wiped out!

Kid Art Organization

It's agony to have so many art project brought home by the kids and not know what to do with them.  I take pictures of them and put them in our yearly scrapbook, but I can't bear to toss the originals.  So, one trip (my first, and now I'm OBSESSED) to the container store for boxes, files, and stickers, and now all the school art (and shot records, and random kid-papers) are filed away for each kid!

Snow day art

Nothing fancy, just canvas, stencils and lots of marker scribbles!

Masterpiece

Hanging in the living room

Small tips for small people

 
Jon and I get a LOT of compliments on our very zen kids.  While Avery occasionally has a three-year old moment, he and Cassidy travel well, do great in restaurants, and are generally pretty cool to be around.  But, we do a little behind the scenes work to get it going, so here's a few tips for those who haven't tried everything yet!

----Don't be afraid to be those parents.  And by those parents, I mean the parents who bring their kids electronics to play with at dinner.  Would it be great if your 2 1/2 year old sat there, ate his dinner, and attentively listened to your attempt at adult conversation.  Yes.  It is likely?  No.  Jon and I are big into increments.  We usually start off at a restaurant playing with spoons and straws, then once that gets old, Avery gets the free crayons, jelly packets to stack, or a toy from home.  Hopefully by then the food is almost there, which keeps him quiet, but if not, we bring out the phone with the Disney movie on it, and he's good to go.  While TV at the table might make some parents roll their eyes, screaming babies make MORE people do worse things with their facial expressions.

----Be prepared at parties.  We just LOVE being that couple who brings 2 kids to every adult BBQ, party, or get-together.  But, with some preparation, we ensure that we have a good time and our kids do as well.  First, we limit the alcohol.  The driver doesn't drink, and the passenger just drinks a bit, as to not leave us stranded or sloppy with babies.  Second, we take turns.  A lot.  Baby handoff gets Cassidy moving around a lot and keeps her occupied while freeing up a parent to go check on Avery.  Avery's getting old enough to play around without clinging to us, so third, make sure you bring him some toys!  We recently went to a cookout at the home of a rather important and prestigious family in the DC area and brought a bag of trucks and balls for Avery to play with.  He enjoyed exploring a new yard, and those young at heart could get out and play with him.  Also, we brought a high-chair to free up our arms from the baby and plenty of toys for her to play with on her tray.

----Don't take your kids anywhere you aren't willing to walk out of.  As much as we wish our tricks would work all the time, sometimes they don't.  Sometimes you forget the diaper bag, sit down at a restaurant, and order, only to hear the phrase "I'm poopin'!" from your kid.  Sometimes a baby just doesn't want consoling.  At that time, you have to cut your losses and yell "check!" as loud as you can.  We went to see a Broadway show in New York a few years ago (pre-kids) and opted to see Shrek, where people brought all kinds of little babies who were afraid, but parents weren't willing to walk out of their $120 seats.  Which brings me to....

----Really really consider if this is something your kids are going to like and if it will be worth it.  Does a toddler really notice the difference between Shrek on TV and Shrek on stage?  Probably not.  Jon and I seriously consider dragging the kids to the fireworks in DC for 4th of July, but at the last minute didn't go, knowing that neither Avery nor Cassidy would remember it, we weren't 100% sure they would even like it (if they didn't really hate it), and we knew it would end up way past their bedtime.  Cancel, watch it on TV, no one's the wiser.

Now we definitely haven't mastered the art of parenting, but it's a few things that have worked for us, so good luck to you, and hopefully we'll learn more in the coming years and can share again!

Avery-isms

Avery: We have to wrap the towel around me so the poop doesn't fall out of my butt!

(setting up an obstacle course in the living room)
Avery: Mommy, I'm doing my own little game!

(Cassidy is wearing a winter hat with a skull and bones on it and is secured in her car seat)
Me: Avery, what's Cassidy doing?
Avery: Umm..she's just bein' a pirate.

Me: Avery, please help me pick up these eggs
Avery: I can't, because I have fire on my fingers. (This is his new excuse for not helping with anything)

It Gets the Sad out of you

 I have a very clear memory about some things and a very foggy memory about others.  One thing that tends to stick with me is music and I distinctly recall singing a song in 5th grade music class that went:

It's all right to cry.
Crying gets the sad out of you.
It's all right to cry.
It might make you feel better.

I thought this song was lame in fifth grade, and it's a bit silly now, but that doesn't mean it's not true!  I've been single-momming it with a three-year-old and a one-year-old for 4 months now.  Four long months filled with crappy Skype connections, spilled everything, firing the housekeeper, potty training, ER visits, croup, thrush, diaper rash....oh, did I mention that I work full-time clerking at the highest court in the Air Force, a FEDERAL COURT?

I'm not really a cryer - I leave that to one of my sisters (don't worry, I won't say which one!) but these last four months have brought me to tears on several occasions, even prompting Avery to stop whatever he's doing that's pushed me to the breaking point to stare in awe at me.  Sometimes I feel guilty, like I'm not being the role model he needs me to be when that happens, or I feel defeated as though millions of other single moms can do this and I can't. 

But then one day, I ran into my neighbor at the store, a neighbor I don't know all that well, and we were chatting, and I blurted out that I've ended up in tears on more than one occasion.  As I walked away, I thought, "That was a idiotic thing to say as she was singing your praises about doing this all on your own," but then I realized...that song is right.

It IS ok to cry.  Now, it might not get the "sad" out of you, but it certainly might make you feel better.  It's a natural and human reaction.  It's an emotion that stops me from getting ulcers, from throwing things, from truly losing my mind.  I release my frustrations through tears if it really gets to that point (anyone see Courage Under Fire?  Meg Ryan's character did the same thing) and it's OK to do that.  Avery can look to me and see that I'm a person with feelings, feelings that get hurt, a spirit that can get crushed.  He can see that sometimes his actions make me sad, and when people are sad...they cry. 

What better role model than someone real and genuine who can show him that everyone has those emotions?  So, I'm not embarrassed to say that I've cried more than once out of frustration at a situation I didn't think would happen and that I wasn't ready for.  I cry, it happens.  It means I'm sad.  And being sad it a part of life and a part of being human, and we're all allowed to feel that way without feeling embarrassed or guilty.

Cry on, folks.

Avery-isms

 
Me: Avery, that's a lot of poop!
Avery: I did it all by myself with my butt!

Me: Are you a good big brother?
Avery: Yes
Me: Can you take good care of Cassidy?
Avery: I can't take care of Cassie - she's too heavy!

Me: Avery, where's the clicker?
Avery: I am super-Avery!  I will find the clicker using my super-eyes!  I need a cape.

Me: (crying a bit lot out of frustration at a long night)
Avery: Mommy, you can't cry because I'M crying!

Avery: Mommy!  I'm getting another piece of orange!
Me: Ok
Avery: Mommy, don't say ok, say "please take another piece of orange."
Me: Please take another piece of orange.
Avery: OK!

Proceed to Potty

So, it was high time Avery learn to use the potty.  We tried many half-hearted efforts:  putting him on the toilet every 10 minutes (he would go in between those time periods), rewarding him with M&Ms (he seemed to not really care), and throwing him into big-boy underwear (he peed through it again and again).

And then my dear friend, Artie, posted on Facebook that his second boy was potty trained.  After smashing my keyboard in jealous frustration, I managed to peck out a note to him begging him to tell me his secrets.  And he did.  Armed with new information, here's what I did:

1) We bought a kiddie potty.  I wasn't a big fan of the idea of cleaning this thing out every time we went, but he just wasn't motivated to run to the bathroom, even with a training seat on the toilet.  It didn't scare him, but he just couldn't do it.  So, we bought a Cars potty at Walmart and put it in the corner of the living room right where he could get at it.

Vrrooooooom!

2) We embraced the naked.  On a day where we had no plans (except going to Walmart to buy the potty) I took off all of his clothes and let him run around with nothing on.  He loved it.  Granted, most of that time he absent mindedly played with his penis, but hey, he's his dad's son.  Ha ha . He loved yelling "I wear NO CLOTHES!"

3) I set the timer.  I put the microwave clock on a 30 minute timer and decided that if he didn't go to the potty (or pee in the living room) on his own, he was going to sit there for 5 minutes every 30 minutes.

Immediately after this, he told me he had to potty, ran to the corner of the room, and used the potty.  WHAT?!  Assuming it was a fluke, I did this:

4) Danced like a maniac.  I danced around and screamed like he won the Nobel Prize for Urination (p.s., what would THAT competition be like).  He was moderately amused.

I cleaned out the little bit of pee in there, set it back up, praised him again, and reminded him where he needed to go.  Ten minutes later, he announced he had to pee-pee and ran to the corner AND WENT AGAIN!  I almost yelled "Holy Shit, it's working!" but he's in a repeating phase, so I'd rather him NOT say that at day care.  Again, I did #4.  He did this several more times during the morning with no accidents.  I was nervously excited.  Eventually it was nap time, so:

5) Naps = Diapers.  He already sometimes pees through diapers if he sleeps a long time, and sometimes poops in his sleep.  I want to avoid as much mess as possible, so it's back to diapers while he sleeps and can't consciously run to the potty.  And once he woke up....

6) Look out for poop!  I hate that my life has come to talking about this, but Avery's an afternoon pooper.  So once the nap was over, he was naked again, and watching television, I watched him like a hawk.  He enjoys yelling "I'M HIDING!" as he ducks behind the couch to take a dump in his diaper.  Under my watchful eye, he had nowhere to hide.

Hiding and pooping at the same time.  Seriously, that's Avery's butt.

And that's all we did!  Lo and behold, with only a few minor accidents that usually took place when he was too distracted with something to realize he needed to go to the bathroom, we went on his own!  He'll be playing and then loudly announce, "I HAVE TO GO PEE PEE!" and he'll just head over to the potty and go!  First while naked, then with underwear, then with full pants! He even made it through the night dry (although I did put a waterproof sheet down and put him in two pairs of underwear).  Fingers crossed, but we might have a potty trained kid on our hands, hallelujah!  I can't thank Artie enough!!

Let's all go to the ER!

As if giant hives weren't enough, Avery came home from day care a while ago with an adorable little croaky voice and a pretty listless personality.  It was a bit concerning and got worse when he just laid around all evening, looked exhausted, and started wheezing.  It got a MUCH more concerning when he had a coughing fit in which he was trying to cough, cry, vomit, and breathe all at once.  (Hey, he's a multi-tasker like his mom!)  So I tried to call my neighbor to watch Cassidy - no answer.  Then I realized that I really don't have good contacts on base of folks that I can rely on in situations like this.  All my close friends live off-base.  Boo.

So, off to the ER we went!  No diapers, just a bottle halfway filled with juice for Cassidy, no socks on Avery, no coats.  I was definitely prepared.  Of course, Avery didn't want to walk (who can blame him?) so I dragged in Cassidy (asleep in her car seat) and lugged in a big ole toddler to the ER on base, filled out a few papers and we got in pretty quick.

I had already called my mother-in-law, so I knew it was croup, but the coughing fit freaked me out to where I didn't want to wait for a doc's appointment.  The ER confirmed it was croup and started in on him.

He was a total trooper.  Probably because he was too tired and upset to protest.  He took the little heart monitor on his toe, he let them put the bracelet on, and he even allowed the blood pressure cuff to stay on his arm and blow up every once in a while (we called it the "balloon on his arm!").  He took the syringe (in the mouth) of steroids to open his airway ("it's yucky!") and the fever meds ("this one is yummy!") and even liked the little mist mask they put on him.

Has anyone ever looked so pathetic and sad??

 Cassidy, not to let the attention stray too long, decided to wake up and demand to be held, walked around, and allowed to touch dangerous things . She did not enjoy the 2 hours I walked her up and down trying to get her to go back to sleep (it was easily midnight by this point) and I ALSO DID NOT ENJOY THIS.  Avery laid around, played on the iPod, and finally fell asleep where he promptly peed through his diaper. Twice.  Hey, I was giving him fluids!!

Fun bonding time

 Cassidy finally zonked, Avery was out, and I was waiting for SOMEONE to release us and dozed off myself.  Finally after three hours being there, we got released.  Our medical team was really nice, but the night shift must get to you.  We had conversations like this:

Doctor(?) guy: Oh, your kids are asleep
Me: Well, it is like 5 hours past their bedtime.

Doctor(?) guy: Do you want stickers?  I can get them stickers!!
Me: Well, it's almost 2am - I'm not sure they really care that much

Anyway, I lugged a limp and exhausted Avery, a heavy and recently awake Cassidy in her car seat, and my sleepy self to the car.  No one had coats, Avery was sans pants.  It was a pretty awesome Supermom moment.  To make Avery feel better, I even let him ride in the front seat (calm down, everyone, it's a 90 second drive to our house). 

Got them home, sent her to bed, sent him to bed with a a cold mist humidifier, then realized I was wide awake at 2am, so I finished watching my DVRed Emmys, emailed my boss that I was planning on staying home to monitor Avery and zonked out.  Too bad there's a chicken pox vaccine now, or I'd be anxiously awaiting that as well!

Cassidy, Week 1!

No worries, I won't be posting a weekly update on Cassidy, but having two kids, two cats, a dog, a husband, and my dad all in the same townhouse for the first week of her life has been crowded, but fun!

The best thing is that my dad is great at keeping an eye on Avery.  He's recently learned to scream (Avery, not my dad - he already knows how to do that) so he likes to randomly yell things.  He also loves to go downstairs in the basement.  Since Jon and I are usually doing things upstairs, we hate dropping everything, especially when we are feeding Cassidy, to run downstairs so Avery can roll around on the guest bed or play with the camera tripod.  My dad has been a great sport in letting Avery drag him all over the house to look at things.  Seriously, those "we don't need help, we can do it ourselves" parents don't know what they are missing when they turn down assistance.

Me get into shenanigans?  No way!

Cassidy has been about as awesome as you could hope a newborn can be.  She eats every 2 1/2 to 3 hours, and I'm pumping, so I'm doing that every 2 1/2 to 3 hours as well.  I can't pump enough to store for her, though, so I basically try to time pumps before she wakes up so there's something there for her to drink, although we are fine with formula.  She's super super super gassy.  I hate the word "fart" Ugh, I even hate typing it, but that's a new word in our house because it happens. All. The. Time.  She's not very ladylike.  She's lost 6 ounces since birth so we are working to put that back on by the time she goes to the doctor next week.

Hi there!

As for the interaction between the two, Avery couldn't care less, and, in fact doesn't want much to do with the baby at all.  He said "No, baby!" when Cassidy was crying once, and recognizes that she's here and that she has bottles "Baby bottle!" and a bed "Baby bed!" but when I ask if he wants to hold her or kiss her, he yells "NO!" and shies away.  Maybe he's in a "girls are gross" phase?  Alas, I don't have a picture of them together because of this.

So, that's how it's going so far.  We are much less tired, oddly, this time around then we were with Avery.  Maybe we expect to be tired now, so it doesn't bother us.  Also, we've moved Cassidy into her own room already, so her little fussy noises that don't really require us to get her up don't wake us up unnecessarily.

The big test will start next week with Jon going back to work.  My folks will be here so I'll be able to ease into things.  The next week we are on our own, but Avery will go back to day care.  Then, the ultimate final exam: both of us working and both kids in day care.  Yikes!

She made it!

Introducing Cassidy Alma Beach  in all her seven pound, three ounce glory.

Around midnight on Thursday morning I woke up to go to the bathroom (as per pregnancy) and thought, "Did my water break? And are those contractions?" I laid around and pondered these questions for a few hours before finally calling the hospital. We had an appointment for Operation Flip The Baby at 6am anyway, so if I was off my rocker the worst that happens is that I show up a couple hours early.

When I got to the hospital, after almost yelling at Jon for wanting to eat a bowl of cereal when 1) I was not allowed to eat and 2) I'm in freaking labor here buddy, it was quite obvious my water had...um..was breaking.  Sorry, janitor.  And since my water had broken, Operation Flip The Baby was aborted and a C Section was the only option, as she was still breech.
So, an hour later I am walking into an operating room. Just a tad bit terrifying if you hadn't really seen one before.  I got up on the bed, got a big shot in the back and started numbing up. Very very weird sensation as I could feel things happening while they prepped. In fact, I kept saying things like, "hey I can still feel that" out loud, so they wouldn't start slicing me open.  The doc assured me I would get used to feeling sensations without feeling pain. He was right but that was a tough concept to grasp.
Sheet went up, Jon came in, doc cut out the baby and we were done in 20 minutes!!

So far it's going well, she's breastfeeding like a champ and sleeping a lot (which means we can too!) Welcome to the family!!

Treasure Hunting Turns Heartache

We recently took a trip to Community Forklift in Maryland, which is this sweet warehouse filled to the brim with old doors, windows, tiles, you name it!  We were in search of an old door that we can re-finish to make a growth chart for our kids.  When my mom was growing up (and when I was, too) we measure ourselves on our grandmother's doorframe, but we didn't pull the doorframe out of the house when my grandparents died and we sold the house.  Since we Beaches are nomads, we wanted to create something we can take with us.

The outside of the Community Forklift

Cool stuff on the outside, from granite to bathtubs

I almost bought this, even though I have nowhere to put it

How to find the perfect door out of 1500?

Jon on the hunt

Hmmm..swap out the hardware?

Avery helps dad put the door on the car

The one we chose!

We love the old 5-panel door that we chose, which needs to be slightly sanded and refinished, but hopefully will keep that vintage vibe.  After looking through all the hardware, we decided to keep what it came with and just refinish that as well.  The goal is to make a great vintage-y growth chart to measure our kids every six months and one that we can take all over the country as we bounce about.

And how did this turn into heartache?  Here's our take on the door just a few hours later when we actually tested it for lead paint:

 Yup, turns out this sucker was covered in lead paint/dust.  It looked like it had just been a cool old wooden door that was stained, but even after a good cleaning, our lead test home kit was still showing there was lead there, and we just can't have a giant piece of lead paint in our house.  Especially one that we smash the kids up against every 6 months or so.  Not cool.  So, we have to change tactics and go with something else.  So glad we wasted a whole day and $20 on that, BUT, it was worth it to see the cool stuff the Community Forklift has!

Lesson:  Always bring a lead test kit to the warehouse before you buy.

Man Down!

Avery got his first injury last night when someone (cough, cough, Jon) was clipping his fingernails and got a little too close to the bone.  I don't know which was worse, Avery's crying or the look on Jon's face that he'd made Avery bleed a little bit!  But, no worries, he's fine, and with a quick call to pediatrician (and grandma) we bandaged him up.  Hard to do on such a little finger, but he's ok!

Hmm....a parenting conundrum

I'm choreographing a musical (get tickets at www.footlight.org) this fall which opens in four weeks.  The show is Willy Wonka, so there are lots of kids in the cast.  The little girl playing Veruca Salt has been an understudy on Broadway, is really cute and easy to work with, and a great performer.  It turns out that after she auditioned and was cast in our show she continued to audition for a regional theater show (Annie), a professional production starring Wanda Sykes as Ms. Hannigan. 

I'll wait a sec to let you all shudder at the idea of Wanda Sykes as Ms. Hannigan (WTF??)

Anyway, the little girl didn't hear that she got the part of Annie until this past weekend, four weeks before our show opens.  So...what to do?  The choice is simple:  you either stay in our community theater show, or you bail and join the professional regional production.

It led me to think:  what would I make Avery do?  The girl is only 10, so well within the "do what your parent says" arena.  On one hand, I greatly appreciate that this little girl has some talent and this is a good career move, not to mention paid, for her, if she's really out to be a professional actress with her life. On the other hand, she made a commitment to our show and this put us in a huge bind scrambling to recast and reteach, and I can't help but wonder what lesson this teaches the girl.  In theater, there is a "grace period" for leaving a show when you get a part.  You can usually go to the readthrough and maybe a rehearsal or two before you drop out if something better comes along.  It's annoying, but not uncommon.  However, with only 8 weeks of rehearsals, dropping out halfway through them is really not cool.  We had to recast a girl who has to learn the lines, several songs, and at least 4 choreographed dances.  Easier said than done when we've built no time into our rehearsal schedule for this kind of make up.

It's hard to say what I would do in that situation.  I think the "right" thing to do is to tell the girl that life isn't fair sometimes and that it's better to honor a commitment to our show.  With so many people depending on her this late in the game, staying is the honorable thing. 

Or, maybe "life isn't fair" is the lesson that we, the production crew of Willy Wonka, are learning throughout all of this....