And I Won't Let You Go!

*ENTER HUGE EXASPERATING SIGH HERE*

Once upon a time, I loved the Army. I loved putting on a uniform, returning salutes, making plans, watching my Soldiers get awards, teaching, hells, I even loved PT. But my love for the Army died a quick and painful death when I joined the Army Reserves.

The Reserves is like the retarded Army. Everything moves slower. The Soldiers are fatter, lazier, and slower. The captains (including yours truly) are whinier. The training is nonexistent. And, I've found, the paperwork might as well be processed by...well, by Army Reservists, because it's horrible. My last job in the Army was as the personnel officer. I kicked so much ass. But, here's how the personnel shop in the Reserves works:

January: Hey, personnel shop, it's CPT Beach. Here's my paperwork for my resignation! It should be effective 2 May, so I'm turning it in five months early, just in case. I know it won't be a problem, though. All the world is hearts and rainbows!!!

March: Hey CPT Beach, it's your horrible unit. We haven't done anything with your paperwork. In fact, we just realized something needs to be signed. We've sent you multiple emails asking you to sign the paperwork, but you keep emailing us asking for a status. Instead of assuming that your Army email account isn't getting you our emails, we'll assume that you're an idiot who doesn't really want to resign. Ok? Ok!

End of March: Hey, personnel officer. It's CPT Beach. Your shop is horrible and my paperwork sat around for two months. What can you do to expedite the process and get this paperwork moving like it's supposed to be moving? I'm supposed to be out 2 May.

Immediately following: Hey Ali, it's the personnel officer! I'd love to help you, but I'm a lazy sack of shit who is moving units in April, so I've decided to stop doing any type of work. Awesome, huh? Anyway, please continue to send countless requests to my worthless personnel shop who won't respond to them. Um...good luck with that!

April: Hey ma'am, it's the horrible personnal shop! We've gotten all of your emails requesting an update on the status of your paperwork. We just didn't feel like answering this month. But, you'll be pleased to know that in the four months since you've turned in your paperwork, it has moved one whole level. Even though your last day in the Army is supposed to be 2 May and it's April 21st, we're sure the paperwork will magically move itself all the way to the highest headquarters in that week and a half, despite the fact it only moved one level in four months. Our fingers are crossed for you! Well, gotta get back to ignoring your emails! Bye!!

And...SCENE.

I hate the Army Reserves.